The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker The Green Zone Kicker

“The Green Zone Kicker”

Who is the Green Zone kicker? What is the Green Zone Kicker? What's this “Green Zone” stuff all about? Well I'm about to tell a story of a football fan, so loyal to his team, he becomes the first field goal kicker ever to go to the other team's sideline for protection from his own team for purposely kicking the ball away from the field goal. He refused to score against the team he loved. It all started one day as he was sitting in front of the TV watching his beloved team, the Pittsburgh (aka Steel City's) football team, the Iron Workers. They were playing against the Seattle Vulturenecks. While watching the game on TV he was so close to the stadium he could feel it! It was as if he could almost go down there and walk onto the field. He imagined what it would feel like to be a player down on the field. He wondered if there was any position he could play. He thought, “I am not as big as those guys or as fast, but I do have a strong kick from playing soccer since I was a little boy.” He thought, “That's it! I will practice and learn how to kick field goals until I am good enough for at least a chance to try out!” He wanted so badly to help his team, not caring that he had no previous experience kicking. He would learn and practice as long as it took to be the Steel City's kicker who would make kicks under pressure to help his team win the

games. So he paced and thought, “Who am I to think I would not choke under such pressure? How would I handle that pressure without choking?” All of a sudden he remembered a concept that always bothered him. It was the “Red Zone”. To him that did not make sense that when the offense is inside the 20 yard line, it is referred to as the “Red Zone”. It just seemed like negative thinking. He thought, “That will be my trick. In my mind I will use positive thinking and imagine it to be the “Green Zone”, giving me the green light to go ahead and score!”

“The Kickstand”

So the next day he kick-slid to local stores to buy some supplies to build what he called his GZK Kickstand. After a previous thinking episode, he decided he needed a contraption to hold the ball in position as he practiced kicking. He bought a hand saw, some wood, screws, and paint. He proceeded to go home and self-manufacture his Kickstand. He measured, drew lines, sawed the wood, and assembled it with screws. He then drilled a hole in the side to hold the bottom part of a plastic clothing hanger that would effectively and flexibly hold up the ball. The hardest part about building it was the tiresome sawing of the wood, but putting on the finishing touches with green paint felt like a Psychological EX-travaganza!!

“Five Yards Per Year”

He needed a real football field with the yards marked and real field goal posts. He took advantage of Steel City's many college stadiums. Little did those colleges know he was not a student nor their team's kicker! There was one college football stadium in particular he knew of just on the other side of the Oakland area of the Steel City through beautiful “Train Set Valley”. He called it “Train Set Valley” because it was a beautiful valley with trains that passed through it. To him he felt like he was walking through a giant train set table he had seen in hobby shops. The first few times he went to kick he improved each time! He was deeply and unprecedentedly discombobulated, though, when he realized he could only kick it 45 yards accurately. He knew he needed to sail the ball consistently from at least 55 yards to be a pro. He thought deeply and solutionistically. And at once he decisively decided to work hard and have patience. He thought, “If I can find a way to get five more yards per year for the next two years, I can have the 55 yards I need”.

“No Ball Un-Spun”

He decided to leave “no ball un-spun” on his attempts to improve his kicking distance and accuracy. He drew on his soccer experience for kicking, weight lifting to increase his leg strength, and watched field goal kicking videos from the kicking coach of the DC Transients for his technique. He furthermore joined a karate class to learn how to get even more power from his kicks. His karate master was always a bit confused when the GZK kicked after the command was to punch! The karate master was in the dark about the GZK's bigger agenda to be Pittsburgh's field goal kicker. The GZK felt he was getting two for one, developing more kicking power and learning karate at the same time! One day his karate training partner was “groin shocked” when he braced himself for a punch from the GZK, but instead was kicked in his groin. By now he should have known there would be something other than a punch coming from the Green Zone Kicker!

“Purse Snatcher”

While walking through downtown Pittsburgh on his way to a stadium to practice kicking, he saw a purse snatcher jerk-yank a purse from a lady and push her down. The GZK felt he should do something. He thought, “I am not like some super hero, but I bet I could knock that robber down with a zinging football.” He removed his ball out of his KickPackSack, which he designed for easy access to his kickstand and football, and with powerful precision split the robber's ear uprights and knocked him out. The woman thanked him and was quite intrigued why someone would use such an innovative and talented technique to stop a purse snatcher.

“Basketball - Twenty-Five to Ten”

The Green Zone Kicker continued to come up with ideas to practice scoring under pressure. He decided to also play basketball, hoping to get the ball for the game winning shot. He kick-slid off to the part of Steel City they call Shady Side to play a neighborhood game. He decided first and foremost to do his part for his team. He knew he could not win by himself against the opposing team's five other players. In any case, he wanted to be a team player, so he decided he would focus on making at least one more point than the person he was guarding, and that would be his part. He had made four for his team, and the player he was guarding only made two. The other team had 14 points and needed only one more to win. His team had eight. The GZK had the ball, and he knew if his teammates did not do their parts they could not win. He was going to at least do his part and imagine his shot was a crucial field goal for the Steel City. He dribbled the ball while waiting for the traffic signal at the corner to turn green, giving him the “Go ahead and Score” signal. He did his most reliable move. It was a pump fake to his opponent's outside right. Then he ducked under his opponent's inside left and jumped and made a double clutch bank shot! The purpose of the double clutch is to insure that his opponent was not able to turn back and block his shot. He now had five points to his opponent's two. A teammate turned it over, giving the other team the ball, and another player on the other team scored and won the game. Players on his team were complaining and blaming everyone for the loss. The GZK took it a little personal since they were blaming him too. So the GZK said, making a little rap rhyming with the words a-gain and t-ten, “Don't talk crazy to me like that a gain, if you'd made five points to your opponent's two like me, we'd have won twenty-five t-ten.”

“The Clause”

His plan worked! After two years he finally could consistently kick 55-yard field goals. With great anticipation he tried out for the Steel City Iron Workers, and they loved his loyalty and talent, and thought his ideas were great. They could not sign him, though, for the next season because their current kicker's contract lasted through the next year. He would have to wait until the following season to try out again for the Iron Workers. So as much as he failed to like the idea of playing for another team, he tried out for the Buffalo Wings, and kick steadily made the roster. While signing his contract he told them that if they play the Iron Workers, he would not score a field goal against them. He advised them to use the back up kicker. They thought he had “lost his laces”. They thought no player would risk their career and excuse themselves when it came time to play against their childhood team. They just laughed, made faces like “yeah right#$!” and permitted the GZK to sign the one-year contract, with a clause, that he would NOT kick against the Iron Workers!

“Fourth of July Piñata”

One Steel City day the GZK was kick-sliding through the park next to Train Set Valley and observed a children's piñata party, except there was something strange. He noticed the kids were falling backwards a little after striking the piñata with the stick as if the piñata was too heavy and too hard to break. He approached the kids and family and asked if he could inspect the piñata. They agreed, and just as he expected the piñata maker, as a prank, had put cement glue in the construction of the piñata. This way even the strongest kid could not break it and get the candy. Who would be so mean to do this, he thought? So the GZK simply took the ball out of his KickPackSack, looked and waited for the nearest traffic light to turn green, and de-cemented that piñata with the hardest kick he had. The ball flew so hard that the candy went up into the sky before it fell back down for the kids. It was like Fourth of July fireworks and a Piñata Birthday party all in one.

“Helping the Current Steel City Kicker With his Wind/Angle App”

The Buffalo Wings were playing against the Steel City Iron Workers at Wind Swirl Stadium. The Green Zone kicker, by trade, was originally a computer programmer. And thinking ahead, he had developed software that would tell him from which direction to kick, depending on the unusual wind at Steel City's Wind Swirl Stadium. It was the seventh game of the season, and the Buffalo Wings were playing in the Steel City against the Iron Workers at Wind Swirl Stadium. It was a highly anticipated game for the Buffalo Wings coaches, since they knew the GZK had a clause saying he would not score against the Iron Workers. The crowd was about to see something unusual. In the second quarter, the Iron Workers' kicker was on the field waiting to kick a field goal. All of a sudden, the Green Zone Kicker came onto the field with his “G-Pad “ and his Wind-Kick-Angle app, and started showing it to the Iron Workers' kicker. The crowd was in a state of uncertainty, excitement, and wonder since they were seeing something so unusual. Even the dictating whistle-blowing zebras were confused. Neither the crowd nor either team knew what the GZK was doing, but we all know. He was helping the Iron Workers' kicker with his Wind-Kick-Angle software to show from which angle to kick. The GZK went back to his sideline, and the Iron Workers' kicker did kick from the computer program's recommended angle. The ball left his foot, swirly wind swept it hard to the right, but since he started the kick from a left angle it went straight through for the score. For the time being, what the GZK was doing showing that device to the Iron Workers' kicker remained a secret between the two kickers. But we all know what he was doing!

“The 50-Yard Sideline Kick”

Earlier that game the GZK re-warned his coach he would purposely miss any field goal attempts per his clause in his contract, and strongly recommended they use the backup kicker for this game. Well, the game was a tough one, as they fought it out into the fourth quarter. With 22 seconds left, fourth down, and losing by one point, the Buffalo Wings sent, against his will and defying the “No Kick Clause”, the GZK to make the game-winning field goal. They snapped the ball, and the GZK purposely kicked the ball sideways into the stands near the 50-yard line! This was the first time in pro football history that a player had to go to the other team's sidelines for protection against his own team! His loyalty was never seen before in sports. He was not kidding when he said he would not score a field goal against the true team he loved, his childhood team, the Steel City Iron Workers.

“Parachute Airlines”

Clearly his teammates were furious at him for purposely missing the kick that could have won them the game, so he decided, for his own safety he would fly back home on a different plane than his teammates. He went and bought a one-way first class ticket on Parachute Airlines. Parachute Airlines, if you did not know, was the first and only airline where all their planes had a series of parachutes that deployed in case of an engine failure or other plane malfunction. This way, instead of the plane crashing hard to the earth, as simple as it was, the series of parachutes would deploy if necessary, and the plane would just float to the ground safely and softly. In fact, there was a strong public demand to fly on this airline for its flawless record. Parachute Airlines always had people waiting in line for tickets for a flight to go on sale like it was a Switney Tears concert. In fact, Parachute Airlines was so popular and there was so much demand to experience the parachutes deploying and floating comfortably and nicely to the ground, the airlines had parachute deployment flights where people enjoyed the experience as they floated to the ground. Now how would the GZK be able to get tickets on Parachute Airlines? He was the person who designed and sold the patent to the design of the parachutes deploying in a series ten years prior.

He had always thought it was ridiculous that people fly with this fear of crashing, so he talked to some aeronautics engineers and airline companies about, why not just create a series of parachutes and deploy them from smaller to bigger, and they will detach 'til the plane slows down, and they get not just bigger, but stronger, as the plane slows. Then the biggest and most durable parachutes deploy to let it float safely to the ground. They all said, “Yeah, right, like parachutes are going to slow a heavy fast moving plane in mid air.” With the GZK's solutionistic thinking, he just said, “I promise that the time and money to design, test, and put these in all your planes will pay for itself times 10 in demand to fly on these safer planes.” Everyone thought it could not be done, but he knew it could, so he just patented his idea instead. Parachute Airlines, previously know as Crash and Burn Airlines, bought the patent from the GZK. So, that's how the GZK got his flight on such short notice in first class. His idea made Parachute Airlines the richest and most popular in the world, so of course he had special privileges with them. They loved him!

“Emailing the Newspaper the Clause”

Now when his flight landed in Buffalo, he knew he had to face the Buffalo Wings angry fans for purposely missing the game-winning field goal. So the first thing he did was to email the news stations in Buffalo a copy of his “No Kick Clause”. The fans still were not happy, but they started more and more to blame the team for making him kick when he had warned them he would not score against the Iron Workers, and even had this clause in his contract. Also they had a new found respect for someone so loyal to the team he loved the most, that he would risk getting a “Red Zone beat down” from his own team. They just wished the Buffalo Wings was his beloved team.

“The Jumbo Traffic Light”

He used some of his patent money from Parachute Airlines to have the world's biggest traffic signals built to put in each end of Buffalo's stadium, named “Wing Pit Stadium”. They were being constructed from six months back, but now was the time to introduce this idea to the Buffalo Wings. He suggested to hang them behind the end zones with wire cables and keep them high to not block the view of the game, but lower them behind the field goal posts when it was time to kick. The team and the fans loved this idea, and so it was done. They were 30 feet high and 8 feet wide. They would turn red for the opposing kicker and green for the Green Zone Kicker. On the away games the GZK would lower his green visor, and the Buffalo fans at the away games also brought flip signs for red and green lights. Some even went out of their way and made their own miniature battery operated traffic signals and turned the lights on and off at the games!

“First Time Using Anti-Choke”

He had been waiting for this opportunity for a pressure kick to pull out his anti-choke and show the opposing coach that he was wasting timeouts trying to ice him. On just a couple games after he made his concoction, he had his chance when the Buffalo Wings needed him with one minute and 30 seconds left in the game. They needed this field goal to put them ahead of the Baltimore Clevelanders. The opposing team called a time out to freeze the Green Zone Kicker, and he delightfully and calmly walked to his KickPackSack and pulled out, for the first time in front of a TV audience and in front of the Clevelanders coach, his Anti-Choke©, and drank it with pleasure and without a worry in the world. The other team, the zebras, and the announcers were all intrigued about what this anti-choke drink was. The GZK calmly went back out and split the uprights. Now future coaches may think twice about burning timeouts trying to derail the focus of the GZK. The other team had run out of timeouts using a couple uselessly against the GZK. Making that kick, using his mental trick to keep himself calm and helping his team to victory, and because the other team ran out of timeouts to stop the clock to try their kick, was, for the GZK, a psychological EX-travaganza!!!

“Season Summary 29 of 30”

The end of the season had come. He did his part. All his work and solutionistic ideas paid off. He made 28 or 29 kicks. The only missed kick was on purpose against the Iron Workers. It was a great first pro season! He was the first kicker, so loyal to his team, to ever have to go to the other team's sideline for protection from his own team, for purposely kicking the ball away from the field goal. He did that because he refused to score against the team he loved. Coming the next summer would be his tryouts to play for the childhood team he loves, the Steel City Iron Workers. Will they take him, or will he need to play another year with another team to prove to the Iron Workers that he should be their kicker?....

THE END Adam Rousseau Spencer